Don’t get me wrong. 2003 was the worst year ever. While, technically, Erin died in 2002, 99.9% of dealing with it happened in 2003. And now Jesse is gone. We went to war. Tennessee lost the Peach Bowl, got shafted and had to go back again.
So I’m eager to start a New Year, to have things start to get better. But how can it be happy? Maybe it’s just one of those moods for me, but I’ve been highly productive the past couple of days, and normally that makes me pretty sunny.
Maybe I’ll never be happy about the New Year rolling around, just because of what happened last time. I heard that “it’s not the letting go that hurts, it’s the holding on that hurts.” This is, frankly, a load of crap. The fact is that they both hurt, but maybe it depends on who you are.
I heard the holidays are supposed to be bad anyway. I’m just lucky I had a chance to be with my family. Alone? Yeah, that wouldn’t have gone well.
So, anyway, I’m going to do my best to be super-productive in 2004. For me, anyway. I’ve been working on a system to manage my own behavior in a way that I’ll be likely to use it instead of just agonize over it and eventually discard it. Part of what I get points for is sharing it with everyone here, so you know you are all in my thoughts.
Drinking didn’t even work for me today. sigh